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PEOPLES MINDS ARE CHANGED THROUGH OBSERVATION AND NOT THROUGH ARGUMENT...
NOTHING IS MORE USEFUL TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF PERSONAL WORTH THAN PEOPLE.
YOU'LL LIVE LONGER ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT ANY TIME SPENT BEING UNHAPPY IS WASTED...
P.S. IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MANY A LETTER.
LANGUAGE IS A CITY TO THE BUILDING OF WHICH EVERY HUMAN BEING BROUGHT A STONE.
FAILURES ARE REHEARSALS FOR SUCCESS.....
THE GREATEST EVIL A MAN CAN DO TO HIMSELF IS TO BE UNJUST TO OTHERS.
IT'S PERFECTLY TRUE THAT 'YOUR ONLY YOUNG ONCE'... BUT THAT'S HARDLY A REASON FOR REMAINING IMMATURE INDEFINITELY.
NOTHING CAN BE MORE USEFUL TO MAN THAN A DETERMINATION NOT TO BE HURRIED...
THE JUGGLER COMES CLOSEST TO OUR HEARTS WHEN HE MISSES A BALL...
YOU WILL NEVER FIND TIME FOR ANYTHING..IF YOU WANT TIME YOU MUST MAKE IT.
WHY IS IT THE INEVITABLE SO OFTEN MASQUERADES AS THE UNEXPECTED.
IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED.. BE INTERESTING.. IF YOU WOULD BE PLEASED BE PLEASING.. IF YOU WOULD BE HELPED.. BE HELPFUL.
YOUR RELIGION IS NOT WHAT YOU PROFESS TO BELIEVE.. IT IS THE WAY YOU LIVE.
THE WORST BANKRUPT IN THE WORLD IS THE MAN WHO HAS LOST HIS ENTHUSIASM.
YOU CAN GET THROUGH LIFE WITH BAD MANNERS..IT'S EASIER WITH GOOD MANNERS.
NO GREAT ARTIST EVER SEES THINGS AS THEY REALLY ARE.. IF HE DID..HE WOULD CEASE TO BE AN ARTIST.
AN OPTIMIST IS ONE WHO FIGURES THAT WHEN HIS SHOES WEAR OUT.. HE WILL BE BACK ON HIS FEET.
PEOPLE PERSIST IN BRINGING THE WRONG ATTRIBUTES TO THE WRONG VIRTUES..
A KIND HEART IS OF NO USE IN A CHESS GAME..AND A FINE MIND BANDAGES NO WOUNDS.
A MAN HAS TO IGNORE MUCH TO GET ON WITH SOMETHING.
ONES FRIENDS ARE THAT PART OF THE HUMAN RACE WITH WHICH ONE CAN BE HUMAN...
ADVERSITY IS SOMETIMES HARD UPON A MAN. BUT FOR ONE MAN WHO CAN STAND PROSPERITY..THERE ARE A HUNDRED THAT WILL STAND ADVERSITY.
HAVING SEX IS THE MOST FUN I HAVE EVER HAD WITHOUT LAUGHING.
TRUST YOUR HUNCHES. THEY ARE USUALLY BASED ON FACTS THAT ARE FILED AWAY JUST BELOW THE CONSCIOUS LEVEL....
NOBLE DEEDS AND HOT BATHS ARE THE BEST CURES FOR DEPRESSION....
Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife.
By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts!
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
CONgress - Opposite of PROgress
California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected.
Can I yell movie in a crowded firehouse?
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Can you repeat the part after - Listen very carefully?
Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Chess players mate better.
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
City Planners do it with their eyes shut.
Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!
Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events.
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far!
Committees keep minutes and lose hours.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
Condense soup, not books!
Confucius say: I didn't say that!
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
Constant change is here to stay.
Couldn't myself have better it said.
Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress
Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
D.A.D.D. - Daddies Against Dirty Diapers
D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia
D.A.M.M - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young.
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
Daddy, what does Formatting Drive C: mean?
Dang this hobby is expensive!
Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Detour: The roughest distance between two points.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Did I just step on someone's toes again?
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.
Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
Diplomacy is saying nice doggy until you find a rock.
Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way.
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.
Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART?
Do fish get thirsty?
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you!
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Don't ask me, I only work here.
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!
Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse.
Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high...
Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers
FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet!
Facts are stubborn things.
Fad: In one era and out the other
Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.
Famous last words - You and what army?
Faster than a speeding ticket!
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
Floggings will continue until morale improves.
Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do.
If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo!
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you say nothing, no one will repeat it.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance.
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord!
For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used.
Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS!
Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
Free advice is worth what you pay for it.'
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Friendly fire - ISN'T !
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Friendship is one soul in two bodies.
Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks.
Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone
Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.
Get the facts first - you can distort them later!
Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.
Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!
Gravity brings me down.
Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!
Gun control is being able to hit your target!
Guns don't kill people... death does.
Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
Have an adequate day.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
He who hesitates is constipated.
He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
He who lives by the sword laughs last.
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Health food makes me sick.
Help fight continental drift.
Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Hi! I can't remember your name either.
Hindsight is an exact science.
Honeymoon: time between I do and you'd better
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Housework done properly, can kill you
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How do I set my laser printer for stun?
How do you know it's summer in Seattle? Rain's warm!
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?'
How does one expect the unexpected?
How long is a short story?'
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!
I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving!
If civilization has risen from the stone age...... it can rise again from the Wastepaper age.........
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
IBM: It may be slow but at least it's expensive.
Ideas are not responsible for their followers!
If I save time when do I get it back?
If I want your stupid opinion I'll beat it out of you.
If I were here more often I wouldn't be gone so much.
If I were two faced would I wear this one?
If I were you who'd be me?
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.
If at first we don't succeed we run the risk of failure.
If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you.
If evolution is outlawed only outlaws will evolve.
If idiots could fly this would be an airport.
If in doubt make it sound convincing.
If it glows don't touch it!
If it has feelings its not cooked enough!
'If it jams force it if it breaks it needed replacing.
If it works tear it apart and find out why!
If it's not broke let me take a crack at it.
If it's stupid and works then it ain't stupid.
If life gives you lemons make lemonade.
If marriage is outlawed only outlaws will have inlaws.
If money could talk it would say goodbye.
If truth is stranger than fiction you must be truth!
If voting changed anything they'd make it illegal.
If winning isn't important then why keep score?
If you believe in telekinesis raise my hand.
If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch.
If you cannot convince them confuse them.
If you choke a smurf what color does it turn?
If you don't care where you are then you ain't lost.
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you have nothing to do don't do it here.
If you hear an onion ring please answer it.
If your attack is going well then it's an ambush.
Ignorance is temporary stupid is forever.
Imagery is All In The Mind.
Insanity is just a state of mind.
These two cannibals were eating a clown when one of them looks at the other and asks does this taste kinda funny to you?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
If I could send half the lawyers to a deserted island I`d rather send all of them half way.
She criticized my apartment so I knocked her flat.
90's definition of a virgin...an ugly secondgrader!
Grandpa get off the stove! You're too old to ride the range!
If you can't swim is it necessary to wait a half hour after eating before going in the water?
Did you hear O.J. was getting married again? Yeah he wants to take another stab at it.
There were two peanuts walking down the road. One was assaulted.
My brother is so dumb he thought the international Dateline was a 1-900 number!
My apt.is so small when I put the key in the door I break a window!
My apt. is so small you can't even change your mind in it!
Did you hear about the termite who went into a bar and asked Where's the bar tender?
Why is it when you dial a wrong number it's never busy.
A psychologist is a man you pay to ask questions your wife asks you for nothing.
'Global warming - It's not the heat it's the humanity!
If you've heard one cliche you've heard 'em all.
Whining: complaining through your nose.
Shopping malls are all the same. Once you've seen one you've seen the mall.
Sure it's lonely at the top but it beats waiting in line.
If a polar bear sits to long on an iceberg does it get polarhoids?
Take a tip from the bee. It sticks around long enough to get the nectar and then leaves.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
Some people make it happen some people watch it happen and some people say What happened?
A democracy is a place where people can say what they're thinking ..............without thinking.
There's nothing quite like running across an old flame when you have money to burn.
Lower life form the guy in the apartment downstairs.
Do not be concerned with the mice when the elephants are about to you.
Insanity is doing what you've always done and expecting different results
Atheists' club: a non-prophet organization.
People who put rings through various parts of their body often get piercing looks.
Good business negotiations involve give and take ---whatever they don't give you just take.
There are still plenty of wide open spaces --but most of them are by teeth.
It's always easier to find the silver lining in someone else's cloud.
Don't worry about the state of the world remember it was originally made out of chaos.
'He's so rich he can afford to dress like he's poor.
Why don't bees celebrate Christmas? Because they're humbugs.
Those who are always right soon find themselves left...
To a father nothing is dearer than a daughter.
Sign in a poultry shop at Granville Island in Vancouver: Ask us about our frequent Fryer program.
There's nothing like hard work -- which is just as well.
Some people are like diamonds they get hard by being under constant pressure.
These days the only time the buck stops anywhere is to be laundered.
When men reach their 60s they retire and go to pieces women just go right on cooking.
Why is it that the guys who jog are the same ones who use riding lawn mowers?
Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate.
The only people who never fail are thoes who never try.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a large object.
Automobile: A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
If you don't change your direction you may end up where you were headed.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.
Middle age: when you've still got a fire in the oven but not enough to cook your goose.
Millions saw the apple fall but Newton was the one who asked why.
The difference between a gambler and a waiter in a Chinese restaurant is:..... one rolls the dice while the other doles the rice.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Waiting until everything is perfect before making a move is like waiting to start a trip until all the traffic lights are green.
The only way to make sure crime doesn't pay is for the government to take it over and run it.
Bill collectors always call at the most inopportune times - like when you're home.
Kids think if they don't do their homework no one will be the wiser -- and they are right.
Neurotic - when you call a plumber to fix your pipe dreams.
Recipe for success - to make good bread by raising dough in the hour of knead.
Even if money grew on trees a few early birds would get most of it.
Aspire to be a hero than merely appear one.
Death is sometime a punishment- sometimes a gift- to many it has come as favour.
The fear of death is worse than death.
Death gives us sleep- eternal youth and immortality.
You've got a choice in life you can either become bent from hard work crooked from avoiding it.
Animal husbandry when party boys get married.
Love at first sight can often be cured by a second look.
Hangover- that part of the stomach that no longer fits under the belt.
He lit a match to check gas tank that's why they call him skin less Frank.
She kissed the hairbrush by mistake she thought it was her husband Jake.
Don't lose your head to gain a minute you need your head your brains are in it.
Optimist: a person who can always see the bright side of someone else's misfortune.
Every day we do our part to make your face a work of art.
Pain is just nature's way of telling you not to move any more than absolutely necessary.
Why worry about tomorrow? By the time it comes it'll be today.
Did you hear about the guy who paid for his plastic surgery with a rubber cheque.
Romance is like a game of chess- one false move and you're mated.
The best thing to save for a rainy day if you're a mother :patience.
Many people climb the ladder of success only to find it leaning against the wrong building.
If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous...
If the shoe fits buy it.
Suicide Hotline...please hold.
'Tis better to be thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt
(((((This tagline in Stereo where available)))))
Four hours to bury a cat? Yup it wouldn't keep still
KARAOKE is Japanese for - Tone Deaf
If it ain't broke fix it anyway just to screw it up!
On the other hand you have different fingers.
EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can.
1200 bps used to seem so fast.
1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts
90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
A big enough hammer fixes anything.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A closed mind gathers no intelligence.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it? P>A day without sunshine is like night.
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A friend in need is a pest indeed...
A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
A living example of Artificial Intelligence.
A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.
A pessimist is never disappointed.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Afraid of heights? Not me I'm afraid of widths!
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I want is a warm bed a kind word and unlimited power
All the easy problems have been solved.
All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
Always forgive your enemies nothing annoys them so much.
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Always remember no matter where you go there you are.
Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
An Elephant A Mouse built to government specifications.
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's really in a rut.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
And tomorrow will be like today only more so.
Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
Any fool can criticize condemn & complain. And most do.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.